February in Moodboard

February in Moodboard

I know that excuses are overdone but I swear every time I want to sit down and blog, some kind of crap always happened and I just lost the energy to do it. I have quite a few blog drafts sitting in my dropbox paper account and I hope I'll get around to finish them soon. But right now, for someone who's trying to stand back up amidst all the chaos in her personal struggles especially with depression and anxiety, I am in need of some moodboard collective that's somehow a reflection of my February.

Life in February

+ New job. I've been under a lot of pressure at my new workplace and not because my coworkers or my boss is unpleasant but rather because compared to my first workplace, my current one is a lot better in terms of everything — from project management to skill-wise and so, it makes my insecurity elevate so badly I had to experience full blown panic attacks while at work. I really don't trust myself and I'm afraid they won't hire me full time (I'm currently on 3-months probation)

+ My mental illness has been through the roof. My apologies for being such a cliche but it's true. I had days where I reached my deepest, darkest, lowest point and I just had all these awful thoughts fogging up my brain. If I were to sum up February, it's a difficult month for me to live by. Honestly, I'm just amazed at my boyfriend for being so damn tolerant with me.

+ Celebrated valentine with my man by shoving pizza and pasta down our throat. Classic v-day, I must say. Oh and let's not forget that we bought two pint-sized Haagen Dazs for ourselves because there was a promo going on. I got mine in strawberry and macadamia nut, he got belgian chocolate and macadamia nut. Haagen Dazs is indeed one of the best brands we have here and because Baskin Robbins is so damn overpriced now I can't even

+ Sinusitis. I didn't know it until I went to otolaryngologist that the cause of my ear hurting was due to sinusitis which was and is weird because I never had sinusitis to begin with. The doctor said it's due to allergy towards dust but I think it's caused by me blowing my nose too hard. Either way, thanks to that, I think I've become a little germaphobic that I carry with me a dust mask every single day.


+ I'm back on track with the whole glossy, wet makeup look. I've always loved it especially because it's just super editorial and I'm obsessed with finding the right glossy looking products. I know Glossier and Milk Makeup seem to do these glossy stuff very well but since they are pricey, I gotta find alternatives which brings me to my next point which is...

+ Mariah Leonard, the underrated beauty youtuber who knows how to do the wet, glossy look very well. Her looks are mostly minimal as well and nothing too over the top unlike most dramatic "beauty gurus" we know these days — those 'go glam or go home' filler-soaked cake face with a crap ton of concealer, powder and a stripe of blinding highlight and instagram eyebrows, Her videos are also very straightforward and I appreciate it. No excessive squeaking, no fake-sounding reaction. She's also the one who brings back my obsession with glossy makeup, specifically for highlighters.

+ Speaking of muses, in between my struggles with depression and anxiety, there's one thing I can do to myself to, at the very least suppress minimize, the feeling of being dead inside — it's to pamper myself with makeup and skincare. On one hand I feel like slapping myself for being so impulsive with my purchases but on the other hand I'm in the mood to be creative with makeup. I'm not a pro or anything but sometimes I wish I know how to take good close up pictures of my eye makeup.

+ While we're talking about personal muses, if you know me you know that I love changing my hair colours. Recently, I've gone to the dark side by dyeing my hair a darker shade of ash/chocolate beige brown, sort of like this I guess. If you follow me on instagram, you'd know from my insta story. Unfortunately since I still had my deep, vibrant pink ombre before this, the lower half of my hair couldn't absorb all the ash brown so now I'm left with a dark ash brown-dusty purple ombre which isn't bad per se. Also, the more I wash my hair, the lighter the ash brown would be.

Honestly, last month's moodboard is a mix of ups and downs. It's gloomy on the inside, pretty things on the outside. What can I say, I'm a fire sign through and through — confidence and looking good on the outside, putting on the brave girl boss front is my cup of tea even though I'm a hot mess crying over spilled milk on the inside. Not gonna lie, I did cry once over accidentally not getting to eat ice cream last month but that's too embarrassing to reveal in details. Sometimes I'm confused if I'm actually PMS-ing and moody af or I'm just a natural crybaby under this thick skin.