Gloomy Skies

Gloomy Skies

hi, it's a-me, not mario! yes, i've been missing from the blogging game for quite a while now. seven days may not seem like a long time to some people but judging how often I used to update (around three to four times a week), this is such a small progress (but one I do not regret.) heads up, this post is probably yet another random one like this and won't mean a thing.

these past few days have been very hard and extremely stressful. i couldn't focus at work and was frantically drowning in paranoia. i don't feel like spilling all the beans here, however, seeing how the problem is still ongoing, i just need some distraction that doesn't involve googling symptoms and letting my anxiety destroy me. i've allowed anxiety and 'what-ifs' destroyed me for ten days straight (all through googling forums and symptoms and then scaring myself away — i am aware it's a bad idea, okay!) and gave it the power to take over my mind, even though the tests i've done five times all proved otherwise. i should have believed in true scientific results, i told myself. so, i've been trying to distract myself by focusing on other things — like reevaluating the concept of my blog, for example.

my blog has gone through a lot of fickle changes over the past few years. i'm not sure anyone noticed but i changed my blog's url to mlkbx. did anyone realize that mlkbx used to be written as mlkbox? i'm not sure how important that was but there you go, i've said it. following the subtle name change, i feel like reorganizing my categories again. i used to post a bunch of and tricks slash advises kind of 'lifestyle' posts and called them as, well, 'lifestyle.' i realized that i never really loved that. i don't like writing about them and they make me feel like i'm working for bustle or hellogiggles instead of my own space. so i revamped it. i no longer have a category called 'lifestyle.' instead, i have one called 'life' which is the category for everything related to my daily life and random nonsense tidbits like this post right here. that said, once i'm back to my regular scheduled programming, posts are going to be up slower than before. this is because i refuse to write 'easy' posts like tips and tricks or '10 ways you can do to unwind.' i guess what i'm trying to say is that i'm thinking about making this place a little more personal,, you know? of course, everything is still going to be filtered to a particular extend (not my thoughts though! they have always been blunt, raw and unfiltered but you know what i mean) but i want to make this space to focus more on me, my thoughts and my life. a little bit self-centered if you will but not in a bad way.

i've always said that quality outsmarts quantity and so far, i feel like i didn't perform that very well. sure, all my thoughts and monologue are unfiltered but some other posts were just so...superficial it's annoying. i've decided that when i'm finally back to my regular scheduled programming, i'm going to stop promising myself to post three or four times a week. instead, i'm going to tell myself to post if my mood calls for it. and if my mood calls for a random babbling like this, maybe i should just let things out — kind of like a way to tell whoever cares that hey, i'm actually alive and this is what i'm currently struggling with hence the absence of posts and participating in the blogging community.

before i go, here's a short shout-out to typing things in all-small caps. i've grown fond of it, to be quite honest (and i don't care if anyone says it's wrong) it's like giving myself a silent space away from the busy bees and hubbubs of traffic junction and cars —  which is my metaphorical version of mainstream 'lifestyle blogging' hype if you haven't noticed. for the mean time, i shall take all the breaks i need.